Here are a few Ways to Love Your Enemies:
Pray
Scripture makes it clear, "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Matthew 5:44 We are to pray for our enemy's heart for only God can change it. It's Our job to honor God by doing what's right and it's God's job to change people.
Guard Your Heart
Our human tendency is to "curse" those who mistreat us but it's God's will that we bless and not curse those who persecute us (Romans 12:14)
Stay Close to Godly Counsel
The world tells us to fight back, stand up for our rights, or take our enemies to court. It is often tempting to seek out spiritual advice in times of conflict. Seek out those who will give the advice you need to hear not just what you want to hear, who encourage you to stay on course and obey God's will. "He who walks with the wise grows wise but a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 13:20
Keep On Doing What Is Right
We keep on doing what is right to try to win over our opponent and to obey God, who calls us to love our enemies. "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody." Romans 12:17
Deliberate Focused Love
We can use the same thing God uses to win us over: his love. We can simply do something the world cannot understand or would never consider, we love our enemy. "...'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Romans 12:20 Genuine and unexpected love can break down even the most stubborn hearts.
My Personal Story: I've been divorced for about thirteen years now and I can honestly say that I have earnestly prayed for my former husband over those thirteen years and I still continue to pray for him. It wasn't always easy to pray for my former husband. At times I found it difficult and challenging to pray for someone who I used to hate, despise, resent, and couldn't stand to be around. Even after I got remarried to my husband Geoff, I found it difficult to continue praying for my former husband especially when I was married to someone else. I considered my former husband to be my enemy for many, many years but I continued to pray for him regardless because it was what God wanted me to do, because of our children we had together and because I knew inside, it was the right thing to do.
Like many couples who go through divorce I experienced much conflict with my former husband especially during the aftermath of our divorce. We had many disagreements on having equal time with our children and with how to raise them. Have you tried raising children together with someone you're no longer married to? Not an easy thing to do. I faced many challenges, heartache, hurt, pain and suffering. I recall times when it was so unbearable that I didn't think I'd make it through. Divorce isn't pretty. If you've ever been through a divorce and the after math of trying to civilly get along with your "ex" afterwords, you probably know what I'm talking about. It can be unkind, messy, hurtful, mean and ugly, especially if there's a third party involved and you have children together. Jealousy, anger, pain, resentment, revenge, and greed consume us if we don't take responsibility for our own transgressions and forgive others of theirs.
Over the last nine years, I've learned a lot about myself through my own spiritual transformation. I learned the importance of taking responsibility for my own contribution in conflict from the divorce and what led up to it. I learned how important it is to to be able to confess my sins and to ask for forgiveness, to forgive my former husband and to ask him for his forgiveness. I learned to love my former husband in a Godly way. I went through a lot of changes inside and out and the biggest change was in my heart. God changed my heart, and from that I was able to heal and be of service to others.
I discovered, through being the leader of the divorce ministry at our church, how important it is to be able to listen to others who are hurting and suffering from the loss and pain from divorce. I also learned the importance of being reconciled and how significant that is to God (Matthew 5:23-24). I knew then that it was time for me to STOP making my former husband my enemy and to be reconciled with him. And in order to do that, I had to go to him and ask for his forgiveness. It wasn't about what he did to me, it was about what I did to him. (See week 5 Accepting Responsibility & Making An Effective Apology) I knew in my heart I needed to go to my former husband and ask for his forgiveness for things I did and said to him in the past. So I prayed God would show me the right and perfect opportunity for this to come about.
Looking back, I can see how God was working on our hearts over those thirteen years. He was healing our relationship all along, I just couldn't see it yet. The healing didn't happen over night but it did happened over time. Gradually over those thirteen years, my former husband and I became more and more cordial to one another. He invited my parents and I and Geoff to come over to his house on separate occasions for both of our children;s 18th birthday's and high school graduations. This was a big deal. I was so surprised and happy. But it wasn't until last May that God presented the right and perfect opportunity to talk to my former husband about reconciling. It was during a visit to my home town to Las Vegas for our son's college graduation that I was able to talk to my former husband alone, face to face. I invited him to lunch one day and left the rest in God's hands. As it turns out, he accepted and God did all the work from then forward. I was astonished of the outcome of our conversation that day. I think he was too. There is no denying that God had a hand in bringing us together nor that he was present in our conversation and the reconciliation that transpired between us that day.
We gracefully and lovingly talked about our regrets, our pain and heartache, and touched on some of the suffering we each went through in the past. We cried, we laughed, we expressed our heartfelt feelings, we forgave each other, and we moved on. We discussed the present with where we were and the future with where we wanted to go from there. He invited me, Geoff and our son to go on a family vacation with him and his significant other and her two kids and our two adult kids for 4th of July vacation. I couldn't believe it. It was a dream come true and answered prayers. The best part was, he took us on an Alaskan cruise for our family vacation. We had a blast! It didn't end there, we just got back from spending Christmas with all of us together in the mountains. It was our first real Christmas together since our divorce. God does do miracles.
Most people are astonished when I share my story. They say things like, "That's impossible!" "Things like that doesn't happen" "It sounds like a fairy tale" "That's amazing". I know with all my heart that my reconciliation with my former husband and our renewed friendship wouldn't have happened without my earnest prayers for the last thirteen years. Not only was God working in my heart, he was working in my former husbands heart too. Prayers do work! What a blessing it turned out to be for our whole family. We may not always be able to see how loving our enemies makes a difference but God does. He blesses us and them. I used to consider my former husband my enemy but now he is my friend. I followed God's counsel and prayed for him, I did what God guided me to do, I strive to make the right choices, and I continued to love my former husband even when I didn't like him. I'd say overcoming Evil with Good works, don't you?
Like many couples who go through divorce I experienced much conflict with my former husband especially during the aftermath of our divorce. We had many disagreements on having equal time with our children and with how to raise them. Have you tried raising children together with someone you're no longer married to? Not an easy thing to do. I faced many challenges, heartache, hurt, pain and suffering. I recall times when it was so unbearable that I didn't think I'd make it through. Divorce isn't pretty. If you've ever been through a divorce and the after math of trying to civilly get along with your "ex" afterwords, you probably know what I'm talking about. It can be unkind, messy, hurtful, mean and ugly, especially if there's a third party involved and you have children together. Jealousy, anger, pain, resentment, revenge, and greed consume us if we don't take responsibility for our own transgressions and forgive others of theirs.
Over the last nine years, I've learned a lot about myself through my own spiritual transformation. I learned the importance of taking responsibility for my own contribution in conflict from the divorce and what led up to it. I learned how important it is to to be able to confess my sins and to ask for forgiveness, to forgive my former husband and to ask him for his forgiveness. I learned to love my former husband in a Godly way. I went through a lot of changes inside and out and the biggest change was in my heart. God changed my heart, and from that I was able to heal and be of service to others.
I discovered, through being the leader of the divorce ministry at our church, how important it is to be able to listen to others who are hurting and suffering from the loss and pain from divorce. I also learned the importance of being reconciled and how significant that is to God (Matthew 5:23-24). I knew then that it was time for me to STOP making my former husband my enemy and to be reconciled with him. And in order to do that, I had to go to him and ask for his forgiveness. It wasn't about what he did to me, it was about what I did to him. (See week 5 Accepting Responsibility & Making An Effective Apology) I knew in my heart I needed to go to my former husband and ask for his forgiveness for things I did and said to him in the past. So I prayed God would show me the right and perfect opportunity for this to come about.
Looking back, I can see how God was working on our hearts over those thirteen years. He was healing our relationship all along, I just couldn't see it yet. The healing didn't happen over night but it did happened over time. Gradually over those thirteen years, my former husband and I became more and more cordial to one another. He invited my parents and I and Geoff to come over to his house on separate occasions for both of our children;s 18th birthday's and high school graduations. This was a big deal. I was so surprised and happy. But it wasn't until last May that God presented the right and perfect opportunity to talk to my former husband about reconciling. It was during a visit to my home town to Las Vegas for our son's college graduation that I was able to talk to my former husband alone, face to face. I invited him to lunch one day and left the rest in God's hands. As it turns out, he accepted and God did all the work from then forward. I was astonished of the outcome of our conversation that day. I think he was too. There is no denying that God had a hand in bringing us together nor that he was present in our conversation and the reconciliation that transpired between us that day.
We gracefully and lovingly talked about our regrets, our pain and heartache, and touched on some of the suffering we each went through in the past. We cried, we laughed, we expressed our heartfelt feelings, we forgave each other, and we moved on. We discussed the present with where we were and the future with where we wanted to go from there. He invited me, Geoff and our son to go on a family vacation with him and his significant other and her two kids and our two adult kids for 4th of July vacation. I couldn't believe it. It was a dream come true and answered prayers. The best part was, he took us on an Alaskan cruise for our family vacation. We had a blast! It didn't end there, we just got back from spending Christmas with all of us together in the mountains. It was our first real Christmas together since our divorce. God does do miracles.
Most people are astonished when I share my story. They say things like, "That's impossible!" "Things like that doesn't happen" "It sounds like a fairy tale" "That's amazing". I know with all my heart that my reconciliation with my former husband and our renewed friendship wouldn't have happened without my earnest prayers for the last thirteen years. Not only was God working in my heart, he was working in my former husbands heart too. Prayers do work! What a blessing it turned out to be for our whole family. We may not always be able to see how loving our enemies makes a difference but God does. He blesses us and them. I used to consider my former husband my enemy but now he is my friend. I followed God's counsel and prayed for him, I did what God guided me to do, I strive to make the right choices, and I continued to love my former husband even when I didn't like him. I'd say overcoming Evil with Good works, don't you?
